Patience is a virtue because it makes us better people. The definition of the word is to tolerate delay. This implies self control and forebearance as opposed to wanting what we want when we want it.
I love fast. I like the feeling of being somewhat overwhelmed, learning a lot on the fly, making quick decisions, doing minimal postmortems. I was like this as a child, and six startup years cemented it. Fast makes me happy and light.
Trying to get pregnant has been the antithesis of fast. It has required patience and much planning. We spend so many years trying to not get pregnant. In fact, our physical life cycle is not longer aligned with our societal life cycle. Teenagers can get pregnant so easily and don't want to. 30- and 40-somethings ready to have children have a hard, sometimes very hard, time.
Who knew that it's really only 1 or 2 days that you can get pregnant in a month? Yes, there are the stories of people who conceived a week after having sex, but those definitely seem to be the outliers at my age. And, who knew that modest business travel would get in the way of getting pregnant? There were three months last year where Ben had to go to conferences, and we missed my peak time each month. Those were the only times he had to travel those months. I'm not lucky, but what are the odds?
Starting to try a second time feels even slower. Right now, I'm just waiting, not even out of the gate. Waiting until my uterus has recovered. Being a type A, I can't help but compare where I am now to where I would have been. T-1 or 2 months before trying again, versus 4 months along. I'm competing with myself (or my alternate reality self?). Lovely.
Clearly I need to work on my attitude... Patience, please. I'll have a double. Straight up with a twist of optimism.
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