My Own Private Rollercoaster

Welcome to my little neurotic rollercoaster.

Pregnancy blood test scheduled was for 11 May - the end of the 2WW (see my last post). Ben wanted to go away the weekend before - our second anniversary! We decided to go someplace close to make it easy. We packed Elf in the car and went down the coast to Half Moon Bay. Just what I needed for the last few days of the 2WW.

Friday night I noticed I was spotting, really lightly. Right before we left our house, I had slipped and sat down kind of hard on the floor. A little kid move. I thought this might have been the cause, and/or my progesterone shots. Saturday we went on a relaxing walk on the beach. In town, we bought some metal goat sculptures to add to our urban farm (2nd anniversary - tin!) Still very light spotting.

Sunday morning cramping, spotting turned dark and more flow. I had the physical feeling my period was starting. Everything was moving down. I was sure it was coming. I blamed myself. I shouldn't have... fallen on the floor, gone on such a long walk, etc. I spent an hour in bed desperately searching the web on my iPhone for spotting, cramping, IVF, 2WW, looking for some certainty or hope. But, the forums can only tell you other people's stories. They can't tell you what is happening to you, for certain.

So we drove back to San Francisco in the rain. As soon as we got home, I did what I promised myself I wouldn't do. I took a home pregnancy test. Positive?! It came out positive. My surmise was that I had been pregnant and I was miscarrying. So I spent the rest of the day on the couch crying and hoping the cramping and spotting would stop.

Weirdly, it did. Monday, no spotting or cramping. No cramping at all. I had run out of pregnancy tests, and frankly didn't have the courage to test again since I was scared I had miscarried, so no pregnancy test on Monday.

Tuesday, I had to go to Sacramento for a two-day offsite. I would stop at UCSF lab on the way for my pregnancy blood test. I had bought another set of home pregnancy tests, and couldn't resist taking one before heading out. Positive? Weird. Ben didn't seem surprised. His smiled and said, "The test on Sunday was positive." OK, maybe this worked.

Tuesday afternoon, I got my results from UCSF. My beta HCG was 303! The nurse said normal range for 14 days post-transfer is above 100, and less than 1000. Smiling Tuesday evening. Read something on a forum about higher HCG possibly meaning twins. Getting ahead of myself and starting to count months til my delivery.

Thursday, I had a second blood test. My beta HCG was 534. The nurse was not completely happy with the number, as it was supposed to double. She said I might have had 2 embryos implant, and 1 was miscarrying. Or that I possibly had an ectopic pregnancy. She said we should be cautious. She didn't want me to be surprised at my first ultrasound. I am to take another blood test on Monday. I had just been getting used to my little fantasy of having a baby in February.

Now waiting for Monday. Monday, Monday.