A 3.5 hour stretch of sleep last night, and I am a new person.
We approached sleeping with no preconceived notions, not rejecting anything along the spectrum of Dr. Sears (co-sleep) to Dr. Ferber (cry it out) outright. During our four days in the hospital after Luca was born, he slept with either Ben or me, because the plastic bassinet on wheels seemed so antiseptic and far from our beds.
At home we already had an Arm's Reach co-sleeper attached like a sidecar to our bed (thanks, ladies from my shower!). The first night, Luca spent about 5 minutes in the co-sleeper - too far away for us to hear him breathing so both of us were craning our heads over to the co-sleeper. So into bed Luca came.
It felt so nice - this sweet baby breathing and moving right next to me. Fearful of crushing Luca in our sleep (really my sleep, since I was still on vidocin due to my c-section), we got an in-bed co-sleeper: The First Years Close & Secure Sleeper. This is really a glorified little box, with 4-inch high plastic sides so you can't roll over on the baby. The sleeper took up a third of our queen bed - Ben complained that his elbow wasn't in the bed - but it was so nice for both of us to be right next to Luca at night.
And, thanks to the advice of our doula, we got separate non-down blankets to minimize risk of suffocating baby.
All great. Sleep started out promising with two hour stretches, and sometimes a 2.5 or 3 hour span in a night. But then Luca started waking up more often, and often wanting to eat more. And he did not want to stay in his glorified box. So I started comfort nursing, and/or one of us would sleep with him on our chest or in our arm. I think the comfort nursing encouraged him to wake up even more often for a snack. The last couple weeks he's had several hour stints of waking up every 30-60 minutes to eat. And, at some point we jettisoned the in-bed co-sleeper, though in its defense I think it was because we thought we would somehow get Luca into the Arm's Reach sidecar co-sleeper.
Even though I used to survive quite well on 4 hours of sleep, honed on startup hours and mid-week bar outings, I am sadly out of practice now. A few times I lost it and wimpered to Ben in exasperation to take crying Luca away upstairs.
So last night, we decided to start sleep training last night. I found this posting on preventing sleep problems from a Dr. David Olson to be very helpful:
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Pediatrics-1429/6-week-old-sleep.htm, and just found a similar but more general description here: http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-do-i-teach-my-baby-to-soothe-himself-to-sleep_1272921.bc
The big ah ha was putting Luca down when he was drowsy but awake versus asleep and then hoping he would not wake up. The other thing was a nighttime routine. My friend, Monica, had told me she implemented this for her daughter who is 6 weeks older than Luca. Ben and I are not routine people, so we were a bit loath to do it at this young age, but I was so sleep deprived desperate yesterday that we decided on a routine over dinner.
Plan hatched, we started at 9:30 pm: bath and "story" with Mrs. Mustard's faces book - thank you, Bart - so appropriate because Luca was crying/pouting. Then breastfeeding, swaddling, and in the sidecar at 10:15 pm. Luca cried a little, and I picked him up and comforted him and put him back into the sidecar. He was asleep in 10 minutes! I could not believe it.
Luca slept until 1:45 am - 3.5 hours! Then he woke up hungry, so another breastfeeding session then back into the sidecar at 2:30 am. This was the hard part, and I appreciate that Ben told me at dinner this sleep training plan would fail at first and we'd have to persevere. Luca kept waking up and crying every 5-20 minutes. I would either pick him up, rub his tummy or jiggle him and talk to him. And the giraffe noise machine was on full throttle - thanks, Naureen. Finally, he went into a deep sleep at 4 am. Frankly, I was able to keep calmly soothing him for an hour and a half because I had gotten 3.5 hours sleep earlier in the night!
Luca woke up again at 6:30 am, we had another feeding, and now he is still sleeping soundly in his sidecar as I sit in bed writing this post.
Hope this works again - maybe even better? - tonight...
Now I'm not sure what to do for naps during the day. We had been using a sling (New Native Carrier) which I love because it's easy to get on quickly, and he's with me all the time. Dr. Sears is a big advocate of slings. But it seems like the womb-like sling isn't preparing Luca for the sidecar at night. I tried priming him with a carseat nap yesterday afternoon, which he initially didn't like but fell asleep after a couple strolls around the house with carseat on the Snap N Go.
Anyone have any advice for daytime naps?
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A huge part of it could be that he wants the warmth of you.
ReplyDeleteOne tip some of my friends used was this: Put a hot water bottle in the bassinet and remove it just before you put him down. Sometimes it's the shock of losing the warmth that disturbs them from their "drowzy but not quite asleep" state.
Having said all that ... in the end I fell back on the swing for Conleth. There were days I could not have survived with out it. All my good intentions went out the window because I figured at some point sleep was more important! LOL
I also SWEAR by swaddling!
Congratulations! Luca is a lovely name.
ReplyDeleteI think the thing I most noticed from your post is a lack of consistency. In the bassinet, then out. In the bed then out and so on. The baby may be feeling unsettled because there is a lot of change. Our policy with our little one (he's a bit older now) was always to make sure and try any changes to the routine for 10 full days before condemning or approving. Just be very deliberate about it and try not to make changes in the middle of the night or from day to day.
The other thing is definitely don't talk to him in the night. This is a mixed message. And try not to make eye contact. Some babies are easily excited. At such a young age, I'd say just feed and put back down. Then if he's in your bed do some soothing noises so he knows you are still there.
Lastly, it doesn't sound like this is the case with Luca, but with ours we had lots of waking up in the night, and we finally tried putting him in a regular crib. Then he was fine. We think he was waking up when his arms would touch the sides of his basket.
Extra-lastly, I strongly encourage the routine. Babies don't know how to sleep and a consistent routine really helps.
Hi Charlene!
ReplyDeleteAt 8.5 months, Wyatt is still waking up every 3-4 hours, typically ravenous. There have times when he has gone 6-7 hours and then something happens to disrupt that amazing trend (heat wave, a cold, etc).
We attempted "sleep training" around 8wks when we found ourselves struggling to get him down at 10pm. It just didn't really work and we decided to put it aside for a while and try again later on. Once he started daycare (3 months) and was stimulated and active all day, he quickly started coming home worn out and 10pm jumped to 7pm. We also started a nightly bath, play, reading routine.
Fortunately, Wyatt will fall asleep easily but continues to wake up periodically throughout the night hungry. you just have to feed them.
we found 2 things to help. first, because he was a jerker (flailing around the crib), we used the "woombie" for about a month. it was really helpful (more than any other contraption) in keeping him still.
second, after a while of that he fought being in it and we found that the only thing that really helped him stay asleep was to be in our bed. he's been with us for a few months now. we have a guard rail on one side of the bed. we do, however, make sure he naps in his crib and hangs out in it when we shower, etc to keep him comfortable being in there. he also naps in a crib at daycare (although he's never been much of a daytime napper).
we've done a ton of trial and error. it seems like everyone has a different story: sleeps through the night at 2 wks, awake every 3 hours for the first year, etc...
I guess i've come to terms with the fact that things are going to change as he changes and it is hard to force something... particularly sleep when a baby is hungry.... you just have to feed them. happy baby = happy mommy.
ing
I don't have much to add but empathy. At almost two years old, Sarah is still a terrible sleeper. I would try some of the advice given above but if it doesn't work, I would say to just stop trying to figure it out (and driving yourself crazy). Sarah is so stubborn that we just had to do whatever worked so Steve and I could get some sleep. This went from letting her fall asleep in the living room with us and then putting her in her bed to letting her cry-it-out (although this drove me crazy) and we finally succombed to sitting in her room until she fell asleep. There were periods of letting her in our bed in the middle of the night and now she comes in at 5:30-6am and sometimes takes a nap until I'm ready to get ready for work. Of course, I'll never win any mother-of-the-year contests but Sarah seems to be a happy child and is slowly getting to the point where she knows when she's tired and will actually get into bed herself.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's story is different and everyone has their challenges. Our friends have a two-year-old that was always sleep trained very well. You can put him to bed completely awake and he'll just put himself to sleep and he'll just hang out in his crib until you get up in the morning. However, their strictness has also made it more difficult to go with the flow. When he needs a nap at 1pm, he has to be in a bed, period. He does NOT sleep in the car or with someone holding him. That works well for them because they're pretty routine but Steve and I appreciate that Sarah will sleep where-ever and whenever as long as it is on her terms and not ours. Our friends had to cut a cape vacation short because Liam would not sleep in a different place, whereas Sarah is out and about every weekend (taking naps in the car), sleeps on the boat in the summer and we're off to the Philippines and Singapore on Friday.
My heart goes out to you, the first six months was the hardest. Just figure out what works for you and Ben to function on a daily basis, and is not completely detrimental to your child.
Each baby is so different so, ya know, it's highly likely none of this will apply (and you guys will find your own rhythm soon enough) but this was us:
ReplyDeleteWe were big swaddlers (basically what the sling does, closeness and inability to move their arms). Velcro versions were our favorite (just on the tabs, the back velcro ones got hot) but we used all kinds, including doubles. Didn't start swaddling Josie until 2 mos. We did almost from the beginning with Mila. Looking back, those early times are so fleeting that I actually now wish I'd let Mila sleep more in my arms... but with two, sleep deprivation was more of a luxury.
Consistency, routine super critical. At Luca's age more about him than a "clock" but our girls were regular every two hours (lay them down, see an eye rub, nap time!). We're not routine people either but we also don't like cranky babies so we were pretty intense about it (relative to our normal behavior). Naps and nighttime have same basic routine with extra cuddle (and now reading) time and night, face washing etc. Bed by 6:30pm for both very early on. Sleep begets sleep.
Chris and I argue about when each of the girls reached their 10-13 hours/night... I know right?! ... but with Josie she was good by 8 mos, Mila much later, maybe 10 mos. In both cases I distinctly remember that 6 month mark when we were consistently getting 6ish hours.
We use pacifiers (for sleep only)... it's a blessing at this stage, was relieved when Mila finally took one at 2 mos but it's a curse later.
Our pediatrician always has great little tips to "trick" their bodies into extending sleep. I've appreciated these as alternative to crying it out--which we do also but anything beyond 5-10 minutes has quickly diminishing returns. It's really more about sitting and pretending you have some sense of control while they wail away. You're also supposed to "pat their back" rather than pick them up... I still pick them up every single time and probably always will. XOXO